lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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