you told grandpa to call you daddy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
