i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
