The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
