farters have to be the big spoon...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
