ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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