Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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