Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
