apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
