Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
