I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
