was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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