she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He passed out mid-signature
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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