this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
