R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
