We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
