I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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