Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
