Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
