Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
