I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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