LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
