i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Operation Purity has been aborted
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
