Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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