piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
