How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
