just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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