I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
