3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
