god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
