Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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