All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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