Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
