Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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