I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
