Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
