i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
