How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
