took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
