Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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