Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
