Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
