he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
