What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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