I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize