I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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