Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
