Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
