I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
