is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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