he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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