When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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