Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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