How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
