i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
