My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
