How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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