I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
