Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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