I have demons in me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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