I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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