At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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