Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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