that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
