even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
