btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
