Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
