god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
