She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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