And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
